For the first time in some while, I played cricket yesterday. The match report is regurgitated below, but obviously there was no space within it to write at great length about my own performance, which is what I will do here, on my own personal blog, instead. Because no-one can stop me.

I am terrible at cricket. I didn’t play until I was 30 and I’ve got progressively worse ever since. But yesterday I batted at the unexpectedly high position of number seven, because of a series of unlikely events. This meant I had plenty of time to play myself in, feel bat on ball, and not panic too much.

And it was thoroughly enjoyable. Jason farmed the strike as much as he could, and we ran between the wickets rather well and enjoyed a partnership of 20-odd, with me scoring… two.

I ended on 2*, after the brought their opening bowler back on and I watched from the other end as a procession of our batsman came and went in the blink of an eye.

My bowling performance… I’d rather not talk about. I was so bad the umpire (and opposition captain) actually suggested I be taken off.

Ah well.

—

The mighty Seveno zeppelin is airborne for another season, after a thoroughly enjoyable if, erm, low-scoring encounter at Joseph Hood Rec.

Your correspondent rolled up just before 1pm to find seven fellow Sevenonians and 2-3 IHC ringers making up our team, and the welcome news that we were batting.

Start of play was delayed for five minutes while Seveno rustled up two vaguely competent umpires, and then we were away, with Gopal and Nishant opening the batting, but after an early four and some quick running Gopi is bowled by Abhisar, sending Randy to the middle.

It’s a special season for our Skipper, who is raising money for the British Heart Foundation by donating for each run scored and each catch taken behind the stumps – and you can also sponsor him by clicking on this link.

An early four gets the quids rolling, but Randy slices to point for 8 off the bowling of Santosh, and with Nish very cooly taken at mid-off by the same man, the Purple Anchor were wobbling slightly, like the Hindenburg on its way to New Jersey.

Jason’s game was in good working order, but with IHC stand-ins Praneel and Nirmal not sticking around too long, Seveno’s tail started with, well, me, promoted up the order to number seven due to my good recent form (2 runs in the past three seasons).

I managed to stick around for a few overs, Jason farming the strike well until Santosh was recalled into the attack, getting quick reward by bowling fast and straight and sending Jase on his way for 23.

From here, I had an excellent view from the safety of the other end as Jon Wakely and Paul “Harxy” Von-Harker were clean bowled before they even had a chance to think about considering getting their eye in.

With Paddy poking a catch off Rajesh and IHC’s Sachin not troubling the scorers, Seveno found themselves 64 all out and in need of snookers.

We gave it a go. Harxy got a wicket, LBW, from his second ball, and when Gopal clean bowled the other opener we felt we had a chance of giving them a scare. But there just wasn’t enough runs to play with – particularly with me coming on first change.

But there were some glimmers of hope amid the twisted girders and charred metal of our overall performance. First, Jason and Nish combined to turn a dropped catch into an excellent run-out, and skipper Randy produced some nifty glovework to complete a a stumping and then took an excellent low catch to leave IHC five down and if not limping over the line, then certainly not waltzing over it either.

So a cheering start to the season despite the defeat, with encouraging bowling performances from Gopi and Harxy, and a good effort with the bat from Jason. Let’s just treat this one as a warm-up and blame the defeat on the ringers.

Quotes of the Day

“I already had one four in the over, so what was I doing?” – Nish bemoans his greed with great hindsight

“Fucking… fuck.” – Randy talks himself through his dismissal

“I didn’t think it was Randy because it was such a technically proficient shot” – Harxy, scoring, greets the skipper’s first charity boundary

“Paddy, do you drink Guinness?”
“Does Paddy O’Brien drink Guinness? Is the pope fucking catholic?”

– Jason and Randy discuss the Irish Question.