Why do we write? Some people write because they have to; they have this restless twisting beast in their belly that tells them they have to, just as other people seek power, or revenge, or being the best at tiddlywinks.

I don’t have that, but I do respond well to a deadline. So I feel like Luigi in Mario Kart 8: throwing banana skins directly in front of my speeding vehicle, in the hope that I will remember to swerve out of the way in time, because if I don’t, I will come to most hilarious and ignominious end. Because, let’s face it, I’m not Bowser, or Dry Bones. I’m Luigi.

Anyway. Entirely unrelatedly, here’s where you can buy tickets to my next live show, and how the last one went.