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“It is lumber, man – all lumber!”
Today I had a book returned to me by an old friend. I lent it to her in 2006; she took it back to Canada with her, where it languished in storage for many years. Then it was found in a clear-out, brought back to England, and finally, eventually, unexpectedly, fell back into my possession.… Read more
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Comedy Virgins at Cavendish Arms, Stockwell
I think tonight was technically my first ever stand up show*? It didn’t feel like it, because I’ve been compering and doing character comedy at factually inaccurate, and of course sketch comedy and hosting before that. But the nerves were certainly real – exaggerated by initially being left off the scheduled line-up – and by… Read more
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Dawn Foster: In Memoriam
I’m struggling to find words to write about the death of Dawn Foster, but writing something seems important. We were close friends in the early to medium days of our Guardian careers, when we were both attempting to navigate the bullshit, insincerity and toxicity of modern liberal journalism, and largely failing to do so. Dawn,… Read more
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Throwing banana skins in front of myself on purpose
Why do we write? Some people write because they have to; they have this restless twisting beast in their belly that tells them they have to, just as other people seek power, or revenge, or being the best at tiddlywinks. I don’t have that, but I do respond well to a deadline. So I feel… Read more
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Ticket Stub
I stubbed my toe today. I walk around very fast, even before I’ve decided where to go, and this afternoon my little toe on my left foot collided with the leg of a stool. I did what anyone would do in this situation. I hopped around and swore and railed against the pain until it… Read more
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Waitrose New Malden Car Park
My family has lived directly behind this car park for decades, being woken by the revving of early morning delivery HGVs and breathing in the polluted air of the many idling SUVs that make their way down from Coombe to queue, engines always on, along the residential, suburban streets. I know companies make it hard… Read more
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Cycling in Kingston
Desperately trying to memorise words, I took a walk around Kingston Upon Thames yesterday, repeating things to myself and attracting curious glances from passers-by. Was I mad, or had hands-free mobile technology reached the invisibility stage? The council has made assorted efforts to encourage more people to walk and cycle around town; if you’re on… Read more
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Blagdon Road Car Park
Following the death of my grandmother, I have been spending some time back in New Malden. The old house, the focal point for my Dad’s family for as long as I can remember, now sits quieter than it has in decades. No aunties turn up for afternoon cups of tea; no Irish cousins appear, unannounced,… Read more